Belles In The Bible Belt

My previous blog post “Belle Of The Ball” sparked so much interest, that I decided I wanted to do a “series” of sorts just for you “belles” out there.  I hope y’all don’t mind too much!  Guess there’s nothing easier to write about than your own life and experiences – and my goodness I’ve had plenty of them!  As I have mentioned, my mama raised me in the traditional “southern way.”  By that I mean, we learned early about the do’s and don’ts of “courting” as the old folks used to say.  Even after all these years, I still find it hard to initiate a phone call even to my sweetie!  I know times have changed, but I am still a “southern belle” through and through and a girly girl on top of that, so I guess I tend to stand on the more traditional way of romance and dating.  Now I know that not every woman is like me and that is perfectly fine.  Some are comfortable asking the man out, initiating the first call and such.  All I can say about that is if you do feel comfortable in doing so, just never compromise who you are or the fact that you are a lady and a treasure, a prize worth the pursuit.  That man is not the prize!     

Tonight I want to expand a bit on something I mentioned in my post last week.  Here is what I said… “God has better things to do than to find you a man.  If your path in life includes having a man, God gave you everything you need for that man to find you when you stay focused on what truly matters.  Shine bright like a beacon sugar and he’ll find you!”  I hear so many women say “God’s going to find my man for me.”  Well dahlin’, I think we put too much on God and blame to much on Him too.  God doesn’t need to find your man.  He already knows where He is!  :) As a matter of fact, He’s put the task of bringing you two together on that man.  The good book says “He that finds a wife, finds a good thing.”  You may disagree with me, but sitting home at night waiting on God to find you a man, just seems pretty miserable.  Besides, if that man is going to do what he’s supposed to do, he probably will never find you, if you are sitting at home waiting…    Bubba has no idea where you live and I don’t think God is going to pick Him up and drop him at your doorstep.  Even if He did, I doubt Bubba would stay around long at some houses.   Would you if you could stand on your front porch and listen to you chat with your best friend about that “scoundrel” that you went out with last month?  When you met him he was “sent by God,” but then when things didn’t work out, he was just the devil himself.  How could he hurt such a sweet thing like you?  Now before you have a hissy fit and want to tar and feather me for my thoughts on this – think a moment.  Bubba isn’t standing on your front porch but he doesn’t have to.  Our whole world has become a “front porch” through Facebook, Twitter and the like.  Girls, please don’t dog that man on Facebook!  Any chance with Bubba will be “gone with the wind!”   Maybe that ex was a “devil” but by proclaiming it to the world, the main person you are disrespecting is you.  The “devil” could care less if you talk about him.  He’s moved on.  Maybe you remember what I also said in my post last week.  “Be a better woman and like honey is to flies, better men show up or rise up.”   

            So what’s a girl to do?  Be the lady you are!  Use some of that southern charm, wit and energy to get out and enjoy life.  Volunteer at the senior center, take or give dance lessons, join the gym, become a club member, cook meals for the homeless, take up bike riding, learn to play tennis, grow a community organic garden… You might find that while you are so busy living life, that you really aren’t so desperate for Bubba after all.  And goodness gracious “Scarlett,” you might even meet his handsome brother Bo!   If you are in the right places, the right men will be there too!

Should you have a companion - my advice is still the same.  One of the main rules in the “southern belle’s handbook” is to never air your dirty laundry in public!  Oh we may parade our crazies on the front porch and be as proud of Aunt Sybil as we are our own mama’s, but we don’t tell everything we know – even if it is true!  Let that lover’s spat with your man go.  Shaming him through social media won’t exactly “cool his grits.”  Respect breeds respect….   So my sweet belles, single or married – let your words be smooth as molasses.  I guarantee you sweetness in return.  You can never go wrong in being kind.  Sometimes it isn’t so much what you say as how you say it.  I recall one of “those days” when I was feeling the need for some “nurturing.”  You know what I mean?  I am one of those girls who needs a bit of watering through the day like a flower garden.  Sweet words and a minute or two of attention just melt my butter.   Now I could’ve pitched a conniption fit and nagged that poor man to death about how he was too busy to check in and let me know he was thinking of me, but I didn’t do that.  No, instead I simply said “I love it when I hear from you.  I’m like one of those big yellow squash blooms in my vegetable garden after a big rain!”   You know what he said?  He said, “That is the sweetest way I’ve ever been told I needed to do something.”   Now that was a big ole’ win win wasn’t  it? 

          So if you want Bubba to find you, or desire your “Rhett” to never leave you, just remember it really is more in your hands than it is his or God’s.  Be sweet my belles and have a great week.  I hope to share more real soon with y’all.  Should you have thoughts or questions for the next discussion, I would love to hear from you!   Feel free to comment or to write. 

Love y’all! 

Starla