Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star

     In the quiet of the day before festivities kick into high gear for our family, I took a moment to think of the many things I love about this time of year.  It's a strange day here down South as it is 71 degrees outside and raining cats and dogs like a typical humid summer day almost. Still, as I look at the lights dancing through my Christmas tree, I am reminded that, yes it is "Christmas in Dixie," and yes, we will celebrate come rain or shine because there's "no place like home" for the holidays! Of all the things that remind me of Christmas, I think it is the twinkling lights and the significance of their glow - like stars in the night announcing hope for us all. Lord knows with all that our world has gone through this year, we are certainly in need of a little hope don't you think? The one thing I am sure of, is that as long as we have the love of our Maker in a human touch, in the soothing voice of those we love and the glow in the eyes of our children and grandchildren, there is always a flicker of hope and promise. To express my thoughts to y'all about Christmas, I wanted to share an excerpt from my book "Southern Whispers..."

     Tonight I am watching the most amazing display of twinkling lights. They remind me of those dark southern nights as a child when we could look into the night sky, count the stars and see flickers everywhere. Sometimes it was the southern lights in the sky, and sometimes it was lightening bugs putting on a display in our front yard. What fun we had chasing those strange little critters! Now in case you are wondering, I am not in my back yard chasing lightening bugs and not even on the porch star gazing. No, actually I am indoors looking at my fabulous Christmas lights! While I am not on the porch, I do have the blinds open to my special oasis and can see the display of lights hanging from the roof that I placed there a couple of weeks ago. I can’t believe it is only nine days until we will be celebrating Christmas again. On the one hand, this year has been slower than molasses, and on the other hand, faster than greased lightening. I finally completed the last touches on my Christmas decorating a week ago and I must say, I outdid myself this year. My oh my, how I love this season.  Like everything else in the South, we do Christmas BIG here. Why I could land a small plane in the dead of night in my living room with all the lights!  When it comes to Christmas, there is one thing you never hear a southerner say… “I think that is just too many lights.” We love to indulge in creating a festive atmosphere – decorating our homes, offices, yards and towns. Some folks even decorate their cars! My son told me about a car he spotted in traffic today donning a Christmas wreath. I saw one with Reindeer antlers…. People who visit my home call it my own Christmas village! Because we don’t experience the snow like folks up North do, we are able to get out and enjoy the lights all over the city.  I can still remember hopping in the car as a child driving through our neighborhood and then heading over to the communities that held public light presentations and tours. One community called Siena Vista, often had live characters sitting out on their porches as people strolled through the neighborhood. You can do that down South because it isn’t nearly as cold here! As soon as we tidy up from our Thanksgiving meal, our Christmas boxes are out for decorating. We start early and celebrate long.  It isn’t uncommon to see Christmas lights all the way through New Years Day. After that though, we may continue to enjoy our “indoor lights” but simply would die before we burn the outdoor lights.  Goodness knows, you don’t want folks talking about you!

     Ever since I completed my fabulous tree, I have pretty much camped out in the living room – sleeping on the sofa more nights than in my bed actually. There is something magical and mesmerizing about those tiny little twinkles that dance through my tree. When I set out to decorate the tree, I was like a baby girl in a toy store – I didn’t know where to begin. Even though I wanted to unpack all the ornaments, ribbons and bows first, I decided to be a bit more practical and started unpacking and testing out the lights from last year. Now if you have ever tested out the previous year’s lights, you will understand what I am going to say. I felt like the mean ole’ Grinch had come and stolen Christmas from me for a brief moment. Four strands of my lights wouldn’t burn! What in tarnation?!  I sent a message about the lights to my friend who had volunteered to help put up the tree with me and, when help arrived, so did the true spirit of Christmas. Before I knew it, my friend hopped in the car and headed out to Lowes. The result of the purchase that day was more than I could’ve hoped for. I had four huge strands of the “deluxe model” LED random twinkling lights!  Why they sparkled and darted in and out of the tree branches like those lightening bugs so long ago!  As we stood facing each other winding lights around my tree, the brilliance of the moment was illuminating. My friend could be doing much more serious things than stringing lights around the tree, but it wasn’t about the tree, it was about me. This mattered to me; this gave me joy and delighted my heart, and what delighted my heart made my “secret Santa” smile. There was no agenda, no motive… only a gesture of kindness that received as much from the giving as I did from the receiving...

      This excerpt embodies the true meaning of Christmas for me. The lights are like a beacon shining bright as a reminder of all that truly matters -  the comforts of home and the love of family and friends.  The experience of decorating my tree, the gift of lights last year and mostly the gift of "time" was a brilliant reminder of the true treasures of Christmas and of life. There is no greater gift we can give to others than the gift of ourselves, our love and our time.  Last Saturday our extended family had our "Christmas" with my 93 year old grandmother.  As we took some time to present her with tangible tokens of our love, we also took some time to give her our true gifts - expressions from our heart as to what a treasure she is to each of us.  There was lots of laughter and quite a few tears also as we reminisced about measureless moments we had shared with her through the years.  Tonight, I will be sitting down to Christmas Eve dinner with Maw Maw, Mama and Daddy, my brother and his family and my sweet son Josh.  Like every other year, as I  sit down to our Christmas meal, I will take a moment to reflect, not on what is on the table but "around" the table.  My prayer for you, is that you will do the same.  True treasures can't be measured in dollars and cents.  True treasures are something only the heart can know.  Give the greatest gift of all this season - YOU!  And receive the greatest gift of all - LOVE!  

Merry Christmas!

Starla  

Keepin' It Real Y'all

Just keepin' it real y'all.  Do you ever just want to loosen your belt, kick off your shoes (and ladies take off the underwire!) for awhile and let it go for a bit?  Emotionally?  Physically?  Mentally?  Well I do!  I am one of those "never give up" type of ladies who tries to keep it all together, who pushes forward no matter what, but some days I just want to scream "Stop I want to get off!"  Oh not because I don't love life and not because I am unhappy or any such nonsense as that - but because I am human!  Yep I said it.  This southern belle is less than perfect.  

I would love nothing more than to post on my community pages every day, to have a red hot blog post every week, to write an advice column monthly, to grow by leaps and bounds in my business ventures, to keep my house spotless and my yard immaculately manicured 24/7; to be an emotional reservoir of love, a bundle of joy and a basket of southern charm, but some days I am a hot southern mess and not in a good way!   Somebody said that "confession is good for the soul" though southern mamas tend to teach us early on that we simply don't air our dirty laundry in public for all to see.  I guess I fall slap dab in the middle of those two philosophies.  I want to be transparent without being tasteless and crude, so I guess I try to keep my heart blinds raised for y'all to see inside, without the window being open for you to hear the mutterings of my soul all the time!  And if my attitude stinks on occasion, I'd rather you see my determination to smile in spite of it all rather than smell the rotten thoughts that try to choke out that smile.

So today I just felt the need to do as the now famous Disney tune has declared across the globe - "Let it go!"  Lawd have mercy I think I am just as sick as the rest of y'all over hearing that song by every wanna be stage star, but we have to admit, the message stuck with us all - whether we wanted it to or not!  Indulge me a minute or two to explain my need to "let it go" today.

If you've followed me on the web or blog sites or social media for any length of time, you know I'm all about speaking positive, being encouraging etc.  Many of you know why.  I've had my share of "hard row to hoe" circumstances and it was the encouragement of others that helped me to "never give up" through them all.  So me and the good Lord kinda made a pact that I would pay forward that encouragement to others who are having a hard time of it.  Here's the thing about "paying forward."  You have to survive your own "stuff" to have what it takes to pay forward.  What I have learned through the "mess" is that in order to survive, thrive and pay forward, you have to deal with all the stuff that is kicking you in the knees, hitting below the belt and trying to eat your lunch.  I guess if I could put it all in a "K.I.S.S." statement it would be to "be kind to yourself!"  If you aren't kind to yourself then there is no energy left to be kind to others you want to help or pay forward to.  

Everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle - maybe not your kind of battle, but some kind of battle.  So rather than compare your battle to theirs, just fight your own battle and take care of yourself in the middle of the conflict.  Otherwise you will get yourself ambushed!  My biggest battle has a name - it is a debilitating condition known as fibromyalgia.  That compounded with degenerative disk disease, peripheral neuropathy and a rare  anti-body in my system that rejects B-12 makes certain days tougher than a two dollar steak! These health challenges have presented secondary challenges financially, career-wise, and with relationships and life goals.  But those of you who know me know my motto - "NEVER GIVE UP!"  The only way to stay in the fight, to win the race and never give up is to embrace those moments and days when things are a bit tougher than usual.  You know those days when your body feels like it has been rung through the ringer, when your mind feels like it is going to explode with all the thoughts running through it and your heart feels like it is going to emplode.  Mama said there would be days like this, and the only way to get through them is to accept them, change what you can, let go of what you can't and BE KIND TO YOURSELF!  

I guess what I want to say is you are not the sum total of how much work you can do in a day, how much time you can devote to others, how much joy you can muster to be a ray of sunshine to those you love.  I am not the sum total of whether or not I post on my community or business pages every day, or write so many words in a day or week.  I am not the sum total of how spotless my home is or how engaging my conversation with my loved ones is.  I am not the sum total of what the mirror shows as appealing.  I am so much more than that and so are you.  What we do or give is not who we are!  It is just outward manifestations of who we are inside.  Don't feel guilty for taking time to regroup, relax, recoup.  Your family, friends, fans, followers, fighting buddies and everyone in between will thank you!  Just keepin' it real y'all!  

Love y'all,

Starla

 

Seriously Y'all!

I wish I could tell y’all how many times I’ve said “seriously?” over the last week.  I mean really… I think I would be a very rich woman and certainly in more ways than my name.  Lawd have mercy!  It has been one thing after another.  Most recently I felt like what I imagine one of my brother’s childhood friends felt like many years ago.  Tony was barreling down the road on his sparkling 10 speed bicycle (flashing that “I’m up to something and you know it’s cool” look) when all of a sudden the hand brake came loose, fell into the front spokes, locked the wheel up tighter than spandex on an elephant and flipped poor ole’ Tony over the handles bars.  Why he would’ve been dead if his face hadn’t stopped his fall on the asphalt!   He was a mess for quite a spell after that.

Well that is the way I felt a few days go.  I was riding along full speed ahead working on the finishing touches of my latest book,  crossing off all the things on my business check list and getting just about ready to launch our new family business website; when bam!  Those brakes fell into the spokes, sent me spinning and knocked me for a loop and I found myself sitting dazed and confused in the middle of the “street” licking my wounds and wondering what in tarnation had just happened!  Life’s like that y’all.  I surely wish it wasn’t but it’s just that way sometimes.  Sometimes it’s our fault for trying to ride too fast, for losing the grip on the wheel or forgetting to take care of the daily things that keep our “ride” in tip top shape.  This is really what happened to me, I have to confess.  I was trying so hard to make use of several days when my fibromyalgia wasn’t acting up, that I pushed so hard and so fast that I didn’t keep a check on things. Before I knew it, I found myself stopped dead in my tracks looking like a deer in the headlights.

Okay so here’s what happened.  I got an email from a women’s shelter here in town.  Everyone who knows me knows how close to my heart those outreaches are.  I didn’t think twice about checking out the email or noticing that something wasn’t “quite right.”  I clicked on an attachment and quicker than grease lightening, a virus attacked my computer from a nasty group of cyber criminals.  It encrypted about ¾’s of my files and destroyed my saved copies of my recent work.  I say “recent” because I had not slowed down enough to back up my files for quite a while.  Seriously y’all?  I know better than this!  Gracious anybody that does any work on the computer knows better than this!  But I had a deadline I was trying to meet and didn’t stop to eat or even for a bathroom break hardly.  Why I ought to be ashamed.  I am now, but at first I was mad as a wet hen, until I finally calmed down to realize the person I should be maddest at was me!  I went through all the phases of “grief” and finally decided I had to make a choice.  I could crawl in a hole and give up; I could bust a gasket with all that anger. (My blood pressure was like a reactor with a jammed release valve.)  I felt like I was going to explode for about 24 hours.  I could jump in my car and head to the beach or do what southern belles love most, head to the mall and buy me something “purty.”  I could vow with my last breath to track those  sorry sap suckers down; I could cry a pity party river forever, or I could clean myself off, pick myself up and let that southern pride and determination rise up in me and say “oh no you don’t!  I’ll show you” and with my last breath do what I had to do to “save Tara.” 

You know, they say that it isn’t until something is squeezed that you truly find out what’s inside.   There’s nothing anymore true than that statement.   At some point in the wee hours of the night/morning while my eyes were glazed over from watching the scan bar on my virus scanner, I felt everything that had been bottled up inside of me beginning to ooze out.  I wasn’t yelling anymore or pitching a hissy fit.  I wasn’t crying like a baby either.  No I was praying!  I was praying for those hoodlums that had turned me upside down and twisted me inside out.  I was praying for my attitude, praying for the know how as to the best way to  restore and move forward.  Why once all that oozing started, things that had been deep inside of me for a month of Sundays started coming out!  Fears, frustrations, negative thoughts and just about everything in between.  Now I don’t mean to sound like an angel in white because the good Lord Jesus knows I am far from that, but what I am saying is that sometimes when we try to move too fast in life without really getting clear direction and keeping a check on our motives; when we are not thorough in our preparation, when we don’t fully protect what is precious and stay focused on what truly matters, we can be knocked for a loop and find ourselves face down in the asphalt like Tony.  I am not totally clear on that day with that boy.  I am not sure if it was his bike or my brother’s but either way, he paid a high price because someone wasn’t paying attention.  Gracious, I don’t want to be responsible for anybody being hurt because I’m not paying attention.  Seriously y’all!   

Life is kind of a puzzle and even with the best made plans we don’t always know how things are going to turn out.  Remember what Forrest Gump said… “life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re going to get until you bite into it.”    I suppose the best we can do, is to do the best we can do!  Then when we get turned all catawampus, we can take time to figure out what good is going to come from the situation that we find ourselves in.  I feel a heap better than I did a few days ago.  Tomorrow is Good Friday – a day in history where it seemed like everything had been flipped upside down and had come to a halt for those who were following Christ and believing for a better world.  It was a dark day; all that was good seemed defeated and wasted, but guess what?  That dark day wasn’t the end at all.  It was simply a necessary step into what was coming next.  There is a message in that for all of us y’all.  No matter what flips your world upside down, knocks you for a loop and throws you to the ground, get up.  It’s not over!  I wish I could tell you that these kinds of things like I faced the last few days eventually stop tormenting the daylights out of us, but frankly they don’t.  I know, I know… seriously?  Yes seriously.  It’s not so much about what we face as how we face it y’all.  I hope that helps somehow.  It has surely helped me knowing that.  It has also helped me as I’ve come to understand that whatever produces our “seriously” moments eventually fades away. We find that we get through it and realize that we are not alone! 

As you go through the weekend maybe attending services or watching those grand babies hunt for Easter eggs; as you get dye all over your hands trying to make it all perfect for your little ones, or try to grill the perfect “baby backs” for the family or whatever it is that you are doing, be reminded that everything in life is a blend of sunshine and rain, daylight and dark, bitter and sweet and it all comes together... not to make the perfect life, but to make life perfect.  Seriously?  Seriously y’all!  God bless and Happy Easter!!!

Rendevous In The Bakery Aisle

It happened again!  I had made my rounds through the healthy section of Winn Dixie and I had the goods to prove it.  My buggy was partially filled with a non-GMO’rs dream – blueberries, asparagus, spinach, mushrooms, celery, bananas, cashews and sesame sticks.  I left the produce aisle and headed for the bakery aisle.  I declare I think they place the produce first next to the bakery aisle just to make you crave those horribly delectable pastries and breads.  I came to the display of caked donuts.  Dang you Winn Dixie – how I love cake donuts in the morning with my cup of coffee!  Well there I was, checking the expiration dates on the carton of donuts in my hand when it happened!  I looked up to see the distinguished older gentleman sporting his overcoat and fedora.  What were the odds that I would see him again?  I mean this was not a big shopping day – Tuesday at 6:00 p.m.?  Yet there he was spying on me as my greedy hand delicately held that carton of donuts!  How is it that he could catch me red-handed twice at the pastry table? 

It had been about three weeks before, when we first met.  My buggy was filled with healthy items that day too, when he spoke.  “You must want to live forever darlin’” he said.  “Well that depends on how well I feel when I’m 100.” I replied.  “Well from the looks of things and your beautiful figure, I think you will live for a long time” he responded, completely ignoring the fact that I was eyeballing the tempting display of pastries before me.  “I’m not so sure about that since here I am battling my weakness for pastries.”  He chuckled, but not the laugh of a typical southern gent.  No, he was from somewhere far away – a northerner or perhaps a European from the sound of his accent.  “Well sometimes it’s okay to look as long as we realize partaking of certain things is not good for us.”  Somehow I had this creepy feeling we were no longer talking about cake donuts. 

So here I was again three weeks later with a carton of delectable cake donuts in my hand and my “image consultant” peering at me once again.  As I read the expiration date on the first carton I picked up, I was in a tizzy when I looked up to see him spying on me once more.  Those donuts could’ve been expired for a week but this southern belle was not about to spend another New York minute comparing labels while that strange man in the fedora faced me with a smile that all belles understand.  I quickly tossed the carton in my buggy alongside the fruits and veges.  It looked like a beat up Chevy truck parked in the parking lot at the country club, but nothing would keep me from buying those donuts today – not even the lustful eyes peering at me from under that fedora!        

I made my way through the store and put that feeling of being a bit violated aside.  You know that feeling; like when someone steps up on your porch to deliver a package and then engages in small talk and dares to sit in your porch swing without being invited.  Lawd have mercy!  Some folks have the manners of a bull – just rushing through every open gate just because they can!  Southern charm does not give you a license to impose.  Now if I had thought this old gent had truly had my health at heart, I certainly would’ve appreciated his timely presence at the pastry table.  Truth is though, his interest in my health went only so far as the shapely petite figure and cheerleader’s backside that the good Lord has blessed me with!  I doubt he would’ve notice my buggy full of vegetables or anything else if I had been built like a linebacker.  Well I suppose I could jump on some feminist soapbox about men looking at women in grocery stores, but the fact is we all look – belles, beaus… all of us.  It’s just the way the good Lord made us I reckon.  We all want to feel beautiful or handsome don’t we y’all?  So I guess I might as well be grateful to the admiring old man in the fedora.  Today I only had one donut with my coffee!!!  Thanks my “image angel.”