Daddy's Belle

I spent most of the day and evening yesterday with my first love.  I have been his special “belle” since day one.  Yes I’m talking about my sweet, sweet daddy!  It’s no secret I’m “Daddy’s girl.”  Just take a look into my big brown eyes and then glance at his that are dark as coal and you will see – there is no denying the fact that I’m his girl.  Yesterday, Daddy had back surgery – his third one, in fact.  He has also had a quadruple bypass on his heart, has beat prostate cancer and like the “energizer bunny,” he “takes a lickin’ and keeps on tickin’!”  There is a lot a southern belle learns from a daddy like mine.  Oh there are things that my mama probably wishes I hadn’t – like what she calls a stubborn streak, but Daddy and I choose to call it strong-willed and tenacious.  I suppose in the long run, Mama would have to admit that it has served us both well during difficult times, because we both have that streak of fire that just flames up and says “I won’t give up!”  Daddy’s that kind of man for sure.  

What I love most about my daddy, is that he is the epitome of a “southern gentleman.”  He has taken care of Mama and been the family protector and provider since he married her when she was at the ripe old age of 18.  They both have instilled in me southern grace, strong work ethic, social etiquette, unwavering faith, and most of all, respect for others.  Watching Daddy last night reminded me of just what a southern gentleman he is.  Now mind you, he had major back surgery at 8:00 a.m.  His spine was taped tighter than a drum from top to bottom; he had a drainage tube coming from the back and a catheter coming from… well you know from where!  He was wearing nothing more than a hospital gown barely covering his birthday suit.  Oh and some of those “smiley” hospital socks and his “Roll Tide” slippers!  The nurses would come in and out, and of course, he had to joke around with them no matter how he was feeling.  That’s Daddy.  He always wants others to feel comfortable and bring a smile.  Yes, there is no doubt I’m “Daddy’s belle.”

Mama had left for the evening.  I was still there with my son Josh.  He, too, is one of the finest southern gentlemen I know.  He learned so much from his Paw Paw.  The thing that stuck me most about Daddy last night was his manners.  Men folk down South just know how to treat a lady.  Of course we are all taught early on to say “yes ma’am or sir,” but the little boys learn early how to open doors for the women folk and to always allow them to walk in first while they stay right behind holding the door and making sure their ladies get in or out safely.  Daddy’s nurse came in and asked him if he felt like he could get up and walk a bit.  First, he said he might wait until the next morning since he was kinda sore.  But then she told him if he wanted to get rid of that awful catheter he had to become ambulatory.  That grin that makes my heart smile spread across his face.  “Well you know I think I can try a little walk!”  The Rich stubbornness kicked in mighty fast once Daddy knew he might be set free from that contraption. 

In a few minutes, the nurse came back with an extra hospital gown to wrap around his backside.  Guess she knew Daddy wouldn’t be too thrilled about mooning half the hospital!  He is modest and though his dry sense of humor hides it well, he is actually a bit shy.  Well anyway, the nurse helps him out of bed, drapes the drainage tube and the catheter bag over his arm then takes him by the  hand to start their walk.  Daddy says “well we’re off to the races!”  Then they meander to the door, at which point he tries to reach for the door to open it for her and then waits for her to go out first.  She told him that he needed to go out first since she was holding on to him and needed to get the door so he could be more sure footed.  I laughed and told her she was in the presence of a southern gentleman that had been raised to open doors.  A while later, the two of them came back and once again he steps back to let her in the door first!  She just laughs and tells him to go on in. 

Watching Daddy last night reminded me of how he had taken care of me and also how he had treated Mama my whole life.  It didn’t matter how hard he had worked during the day (or night when he was on night shift), he would take care of “honey do’s” after work without fail.  Each morning he would always be up before the sun to make sure we were up and ready for school.  (How I despised him when he flipped on the overhead light and pulled back the covers on cold mornings!)  The lawn was always like velvet, the house maintained like a well oiled machine and we never had a day in our lives that we did without.  Daddy taught me how to ride my bike (and dried my tears when I fell and skinned my knees on our oyster shell driveway); he sat through scores of boring piano recitals and flashed that handsome smile each day that he would pass through the living room while I practiced for hours on end.  He never asked me to stop when he was napping.  Daddy coaxed me down from a tree swing when my fear of heights took over, spanked the tar out of my little brother when he forgot I was a “girl” and had punched me in the stomach during a siblings fight.  He taught my brother early on the rules of being a southern gentleman, which my brother lives out to perfection with his wife and has taught his grown son as well.  Pretty amazing heritage for our boys I would say!

I guess what I’m most amazed about as I think about Daddy and as I watched him last night, was the fact that I spent a number of years in my life not feeling like a “belle.”  By that I mean not feeling my worth as a girl and a woman.  Lord knows it wasn’t because Daddy didn’t instill it in me.  He was my biggest fan and I was his baby girl!  Oh, sometimes we “butted heads” when my strong-willed streak crossed his, but there was nothing Daddy wouldn’t do for me.  I knew that then and know it even more now because at almost eighty-one years old, he still takes care of me in so many ways.  I don’t know if all of my sweet belles out there have a similar story to tell about your Daddy.  I wish all of you could experience the kind of love my sweet “southern gentleman” gives.  If not though, I know a “gentleman” that looks down on you every day and says “that’s my baby girl and I love her!”  So when you go about your day and some random stranger opens the door for you, or your honey helps get the kids off to school in the morning; when a nice older gentleman reaches down and picks up that item you dropped while standing in the check out line, or when the neighbor puts your garbage can back after the trash truck throws it in the street, look deep into their eyes and I have a suspicion that you might see “Daddy’s” eyes staring back at you.  Never forget what a treasure you are!  You are “Daddy’s belle!” 

Love y'all!
Starla

Me and my sweet Daddy 

when I was about 4 years old..

  

Belles In The Bible Belt

My previous blog post “Belle Of The Ball” sparked so much interest, that I decided I wanted to do a “series” of sorts just for you “belles” out there.  I hope y’all don’t mind too much!  Guess there’s nothing easier to write about than your own life and experiences – and my goodness I’ve had plenty of them!  As I have mentioned, my mama raised me in the traditional “southern way.”  By that I mean, we learned early about the do’s and don’ts of “courting” as the old folks used to say.  Even after all these years, I still find it hard to initiate a phone call even to my sweetie!  I know times have changed, but I am still a “southern belle” through and through and a girly girl on top of that, so I guess I tend to stand on the more traditional way of romance and dating.  Now I know that not every woman is like me and that is perfectly fine.  Some are comfortable asking the man out, initiating the first call and such.  All I can say about that is if you do feel comfortable in doing so, just never compromise who you are or the fact that you are a lady and a treasure, a prize worth the pursuit.  That man is not the prize!     

Tonight I want to expand a bit on something I mentioned in my post last week.  Here is what I said… “God has better things to do than to find you a man.  If your path in life includes having a man, God gave you everything you need for that man to find you when you stay focused on what truly matters.  Shine bright like a beacon sugar and he’ll find you!”  I hear so many women say “God’s going to find my man for me.”  Well dahlin’, I think we put too much on God and blame to much on Him too.  God doesn’t need to find your man.  He already knows where He is!  :) As a matter of fact, He’s put the task of bringing you two together on that man.  The good book says “He that finds a wife, finds a good thing.”  You may disagree with me, but sitting home at night waiting on God to find you a man, just seems pretty miserable.  Besides, if that man is going to do what he’s supposed to do, he probably will never find you, if you are sitting at home waiting…    Bubba has no idea where you live and I don’t think God is going to pick Him up and drop him at your doorstep.  Even if He did, I doubt Bubba would stay around long at some houses.   Would you if you could stand on your front porch and listen to you chat with your best friend about that “scoundrel” that you went out with last month?  When you met him he was “sent by God,” but then when things didn’t work out, he was just the devil himself.  How could he hurt such a sweet thing like you?  Now before you have a hissy fit and want to tar and feather me for my thoughts on this – think a moment.  Bubba isn’t standing on your front porch but he doesn’t have to.  Our whole world has become a “front porch” through Facebook, Twitter and the like.  Girls, please don’t dog that man on Facebook!  Any chance with Bubba will be “gone with the wind!”   Maybe that ex was a “devil” but by proclaiming it to the world, the main person you are disrespecting is you.  The “devil” could care less if you talk about him.  He’s moved on.  Maybe you remember what I also said in my post last week.  “Be a better woman and like honey is to flies, better men show up or rise up.”   

            So what’s a girl to do?  Be the lady you are!  Use some of that southern charm, wit and energy to get out and enjoy life.  Volunteer at the senior center, take or give dance lessons, join the gym, become a club member, cook meals for the homeless, take up bike riding, learn to play tennis, grow a community organic garden… You might find that while you are so busy living life, that you really aren’t so desperate for Bubba after all.  And goodness gracious “Scarlett,” you might even meet his handsome brother Bo!   If you are in the right places, the right men will be there too!

Should you have a companion - my advice is still the same.  One of the main rules in the “southern belle’s handbook” is to never air your dirty laundry in public!  Oh we may parade our crazies on the front porch and be as proud of Aunt Sybil as we are our own mama’s, but we don’t tell everything we know – even if it is true!  Let that lover’s spat with your man go.  Shaming him through social media won’t exactly “cool his grits.”  Respect breeds respect….   So my sweet belles, single or married – let your words be smooth as molasses.  I guarantee you sweetness in return.  You can never go wrong in being kind.  Sometimes it isn’t so much what you say as how you say it.  I recall one of “those days” when I was feeling the need for some “nurturing.”  You know what I mean?  I am one of those girls who needs a bit of watering through the day like a flower garden.  Sweet words and a minute or two of attention just melt my butter.   Now I could’ve pitched a conniption fit and nagged that poor man to death about how he was too busy to check in and let me know he was thinking of me, but I didn’t do that.  No, instead I simply said “I love it when I hear from you.  I’m like one of those big yellow squash blooms in my vegetable garden after a big rain!”   You know what he said?  He said, “That is the sweetest way I’ve ever been told I needed to do something.”   Now that was a big ole’ win win wasn’t  it? 

          So if you want Bubba to find you, or desire your “Rhett” to never leave you, just remember it really is more in your hands than it is his or God’s.  Be sweet my belles and have a great week.  I hope to share more real soon with y’all.  Should you have thoughts or questions for the next discussion, I would love to hear from you!   Feel free to comment or to write. 

Love y’all! 

Starla

Belle Of The Ball

          This morning I got up and began my daily ritual “fixing up” for Sunday morning services. My ritual was a little more detailed than my work day routine, but still involved much of the same daily practices we ladies subject ourselves to in order to look and feel beautiful.  Goodness gracious what we go through!  Fellas, I think if you had to spend time each day applying makeup, brushing on mascara, styling your hair and the such, you would give it up after a week.  And Lord have mercy if you had to wear panty hose!  Well as far as the ladies… I won’t pass judgment on whether it’s right or wrong.  If putting on make up and highs heels helps a woman feel better about herself or if refusing to do such helps her, it’s all good darlin’!  Every girl has to choose her own path on what helps her be her best self.
 
          Now I try not to dabble in other folks business, and certainly try to be discreet when it comes to my own.  We southern belles were raised not to air dirty laundry in public for all to see.  We learn all about etiquette and decorum early on. Lately though, I have about had my fill of certain things that I see on social media from my sisters.  Girls, I want the best for y’all… honestly I do.  I want you to be treasured as a woman, admired as a mother or daughter.  I want you to know how beautiful you are inside and out.  Here’s the thing though.  If you are feeling as though that isn’t the case and wondering why, maybe the answer can be found no further than your own dressing mirror.  Oh I don’t mean whether or not you have freckles or a crooked nose.  I certainly don’t mean whether you are shaped like an hour glass or a looking glass. No ma’am.  If you aren’t feeling so beautiful or treasured, valued or respected, you might have to look a tiny bit deeper than that face in the mirror.

          Oh I know we all want to look like Scarlett O’Hara and be admired and courted by scores of handsome mavericks.  We want to be looked up to like Princess Di and we want to acquire the life of Cinderella or Belle living “happily ever after,” but if you think it is all because of how long your lashes are, how curvy your hips, how lush your lips or bright your eyes, then all I can say is “bless your heart!”  Girls, I don’t pretend to be an expert on men – goodness knows I’ve made plenty of mistakes concerning those creatures we can’t seem to live with or without.  So rather than giving my unsolicited advice about them, I’d like to say something about what I do know about – women. You know, it took me awhile, but I finally talked myself out and when I did, I learned a thing or two.  It’s amazing what all you can hear in silence.  If you don’t believe me “hush a minute” and see what I mean!  Here are some things I learned…

*It isn’t necessary to search the world over to find a good man, nor is it necessary to nag and aggravate the tar out of the men you know to become better men.  Be a better woman and like honey is to flies, better men show up or rise up.

*If you don’t think you are the “belle of the ball” then most likely that man won’t either.

*If you don’t take care of the package God gave you, then don’t complain if a man doesn’t appreciate it or admire it. Take care of yourself!

*God has better things to do than to find you a man.  If your path in life includes having a man, God gave you everything you need for that man to find you when you stay focused on what truly matters.  Shine bright like a beacon sugar and he’ll find you!

*When boys are born, they have a woman they call mother.  When they are young, they have girls who are either their sisters or playmates.  When they become a man ready to settle down – trying to be their mother, sister or playmate NEVER works!  A woman ready for a man learns how she can both compliment and complement him.

*If you don’t like to hunt – stay out of the woods!  You are the prize, not the bait.

*If you want others to hush their mouths about your man or your lack of a man, hush yours first!  Some things are better left unsaid.  Trust is not given but earned.

*Superman might be sitting right next to you, but you’ll never know if you don’t give a man what he wants most – and no it isn’t what you think!  RESPECT him and there’s nothing that a man won’t do for a woman he is pining over.  Oh and on that subject of respect… It begins and ends with you.  Respect breeds respect.

*If you don’t want to live a lonely life, then quit telling everyone how lonely you are!  Love yourself and your life because love isn’t meant to be looked for or solicited.  It only comes when it is an overflow given freely from your own heart.

           So today my sweet belles…. go to your mirror and fuss over yourself a little bit – not with makeup or perfume, but with that beautiful stuff that’s inside of you.  That is what you want everybody to see.  Carry yourself with class, ruffle the feathers of those who treat you like less than a lady, hold your tongue and let “bless your heart” cover a multitude of sins.  Even if you can’t put on your best dress, always put on your best smile and mean it.  All Cinderella had to do to be the “belle of the ball” was clean up, look up, show up and never give up.  You too can be the “belle of the ball!” 

Love y'all!!!

I'm Just Resting!

Well, well, well.  This past month was the busiest month  for me!  I think I met myself at the door a few times actually.  I tried to smile at myself in passing as best I could!  After all a southern belle prides herself on a million dollar smile.  We are raised to appear calm, cool and collected regardless of what stirs up our dander.  I must confess, the month was a  bit of a challenge for me in maintaining all the southern charm with the level of work that was on my "to do" list.  As of late, if anyone in my family saw me sit down for a minute or two they would ask if I wasn't feeling well. 

           I suppose all this comes natural for me as I come from a long line of hardworking folks on both sides of my family.   My mama's parents were in the coal business early in their marriage until my Paw Paw "accepted the call" to preach.  Then they were busier than ever with his congregations, planting and overseeing new churches.  Not to mention raising six children!  My daddy's parents were farmers. When my grandfather was a small boy he lived with his family in Texas. In the span of a day both of his parents died from an epidemic that swept the area where he lived. He and his siblings were shuffled around from relative to relative until Paw Paw ended up in Alabama and more or less took care of himself from the time he was eight years old. He only had a third grade education and by the time he was sixteen he lied about his age so he could go into the military. He fought and was wounded in World War I. Each time we would visit he would proudly pull out his “Purple Heart” and recount his war stories; and each time they were just as exciting as the first time. What was so amazing about Paw Paw is that even with little education (he could not even read!) he worked a full-time job, harvested massive crops for extra income and successfully raised five children. “It can’t be done” or “I can’t do it” was NEVER in his vocabulary. He continued to grow those huge gardens on into his early eighties. He was a hardworking man that didn’t really sit still very often. 

          One day Paw Paw had been outside working as usual. When the time came for him to take a break for lunch he was no where to be found. My grandmother called for him but he didn’t come. She looked out the kitchen window and at the other end of the meadow she spotted him. He was lying motionless in the grass! Well in a panic, Mama Rich (that’s what we called her as our family name is “Rich”) picked up the phone and called my cousin who lived across the street and was home from work that day. My cousin hopped in his truck, darted across the highway and sped up the driveway like it was the Indy 500. He jumped out of the truck and started running to where Paw Paw was as Mama Rich met him halfway. Just as they both got there, all the “commotion” stirred Paw Paw from his unconscious state. Thinking he had passed out or had a stroke or heart attack they both reluctantly edged closer to him. By that time Paw Paw was alert, he jumped up and said “My God Lee (that was my grandmother’s middle name) I am NOT dead I was just resting!”  I think at that point in time Paw Paw was lucky to stay alive as he had scared poor Mama Rich half to death herself.  I can relate to  my sweet Paw Paw - God rest his soul.  (Don't worry it didn't happen for many years after the day of this incident.)  Lately if I take a moment to just "sit still" it is "all she wrote" as they say down here in the South.  I will be asleep in no time flat.  I suppose we have to take a moment to rest where ever and whenever we can.  My son has walked through the house this last month and saw me actually sitting or napping on the sofa and has interrupted my sleep to ask if I was okay.  I've wanted to shout "don't worry I'm not dead I'm just resting!"  Goodness gracious alive - yes alive!  This is not the laid back South that I love being this busy.  So I think I may just have to find my  own grassy spot to lay in the sun and listen to the sound of nature - well amidst the neighbor's dog barking and the airplanes flying over!  Right now it is a rare quiet moment.  I've just stepped out on my back screened in porch and I hear a bird chirping, a whippoorwill calling out and the sound of a gentle breeze in the trees.  So maybe I will go lay out in the grass for a bit.  If you don't hear from me again real soon, please don't worry "I'm not dead, I'm just resting!"

Bye Bye Y'all!

"Southern Star"

Editor's Note:  The following blog post was originally featured through my community outreach and site "Encouragement Enterprises."  If you enjoy reading material to encourage and brighten your day, visit EE sometime as well.  I would love to have y'all!  The link to the EE blog is:  ncourage1.blogspot.com  Click here for our official site:  Encouragement Enterprises