"County Looking"

          This past weekend was my sweet Daddy’s 81^st birthday.  That man is like the energizer bunny – I do declare!  He’s had three back surgeries, open heart surgery that was a quadruple bypass, and has beat prostate cancer.  Longevity is in my genes for sure.  His mama lived to be 94 and that was just because she was ready to go “home” because she missed Paw Paw and all her friends so much.  She had no serious illness to speak of, and wasn’t in pain.   It was Mother’s Day, as a matter of fact.  By late afternoon, she had talked to everyone in the family.  We all called her – children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren.  She ate her supper, put her tray to the side, lay down on her bed, folded her arms and went to sleep.  Now that’s the way to do it – where it is a matter of the will and not of health!  I think if she had let her stubborn streak kick in, she would’ve stayed around another twenty years!

            My other grandmother is 92 years old and still lives alone and takes care of herself.  I don’t exactly know what to contribute this longevity in both sides of my family to, but I think it is just pure, simple, good clean living.  Daddy and his family lived in the country where there was plenty of fresh air and where they ate home grown fresh vegetables from their farm. They lived a quiet life surrounded by good friends and neighbors, social activities at their church and in the community.  It was a simple way, a good way.  Daddy proudly calls himself a “country boy.”  I wouldn’t change that about him for all the gold in California!  I am not a “country girl,” but I appreciate all that my Daddy is and has taught me through his upbringing.  Mama and her family lived in many places – often in the country.  Paw Paw was a minister who planted churches and accepted various pastoral assignments through the years, so they moved quite a few times in her early life.  If I could contribute anything to the longevity from that side of the family, I would have to say it was due to their strong faith, their giving spirit and sense of family and community.  Love is the strongest force I know!

            Anyway, I think I strayed from my point.  This past weekend I was with Daddy and the family celebrating his birthday.  Now there’s something you need to know about Daddy.  He says he’s kind of shy, but once you get him going he is quite the talker.  The whole “Rich clan” is actually.  So I guess I come by it naturally.  We were sitting at the table after lunch and Daddy was telling one of his stories.  He has what we call down South a “dry” sense of humor.  It just comes out of his mouth without him even trying to be funny.  He was telling us about a lady that was in the waiting area at the hospital when Mama was having her gallbladder surgery on Friday.  He began to describe her.  He said this “dried up, country looking woman.”  We all doubled over laughing at him – not the lady of course, but him for his description!  My son Josh and I laughed about that all evening.  One thing that we talked about was wondering what in tarnation “country looking” actually looked like!  It’s funny though.  I really didn’t have to ask because I already had a mental image of what it looked like.  Most of the people I know who live or have lived in the country, tend to be hard workers, are out in the sun a lot and tend to dress for comfort, so I knew exactly what Daddy meant!  We all have our certain “looks,” don’t we?  I mean a cowboy or girl has a certain

look, a certain style.  A city slicker tends to dress a certain way and behave in a way unique to their environment.  A “valley girl” another; a mountain man another.  Then of course, southern belles and gents have a look all their own.  Personally, I think that is just marvelous my darlins’!  Why?  Because it is what makes the world so amazing!  When we feel good enough about ourselves, to live authentically, embracing our heritage, our way of life, our values and upbringing, then we are our best selves for those we love and for the world around us.  So the next time you see someone and your first thought of them is that they are “country looking,” I hope you smile and say “you go girl” or “atta boy” because I can almost guarantee that person is a happy person.  They are living the life that they love and not one that others want for them.  And if you see someone that is a complete mess regardless of what their “look” is, please don’t get in a tizzy or fret about it.  Just smile, say “bless your heart” and go on about your business!

Ma Belle

           When I was a little girl we had the strangest contraption on the wall that we called a “phone!” Children today would find its appearance so funny I am sure. But some of you remember the old telephones – a box that had a “rotary” dial on it and the handset itself was attached to the phone with a stretchy, coil like, rubber cord. The rotary dial had a finger hole for each number that you had to physically turn with your finger. If you had a number with a “9” in it, you had to wait forever for the dialing to be complete! In most homes, the telephone was strategically placed on a central wall where it would be convenient for everyone in the house to access. I remember our old black wall phone with the white numbers and letters. It was on the end of the hall wall at the kitchen. One side of the wall was our formal living room; on the other side was the hall that led to the bedrooms and bathroom. In front of each side of that wall where the phone hung, were the kitchen and the dining room/den. I remember once when my sweet Daddy was “tethered” to the phone. He had that long coil phone cord stretched down the hall and was sitting in one of our old wood dining chairs as he talked on the phone. Unfortunately, he was sitting in the chair that had been glued back together after the wear and tear of my little brother leaning back in it. Daddy was talking to old Mr. Hodge from our church. He was a talker that Mr. Hodge. As Daddy sat and listened, the chair collapsed! Daddy went one way and that old phone receiver went the other - both bouncing down the hallway! Poor Daddy finally scrambled to his feet, picked up the receiver and Mr. Hodge was still talking up a storm! He never knew the difference. My goodness the memories I have of that old phone. I still remember our phone number to this day.
 

          Down South our phone company was South Central Bell but was affectionately called “Ma Bell.” I never really understood why it was called “Ma Bell,” but perhaps it was because “she” was what brought us all together. You could share stories, news, wisdom, express love, and even the latest “gossip” through Ma Bell’s lines. I really think because of that, she should’ve been called Ma “Belle!” Truly I do. There is nothing like a southern belle who just has that nurturing way about her. You know the one that makes everyone feel welcome, loved… the one that has that special way of bringing everybody together. So I suppose my post tonight is for all the “Ma Belle’s” out there. Maybe some of the young belles and beaus see you as an old fashioned box on the wall that isn’t as trendy as their sleek little handheld gadgets. But you know something? Let them have a problem with their boyfriend or husband, or need a perfect recipe for their first dinner party or family supper and you are worth your weight in gold! Let them need some mending on their favorite shirt before a date with that sweet sassy girl next door and you are priceless!

          “Ma Belles,” never underestimate your value to your world. The truth is, you are the glue that holds it all together; you are the foundation and the heart of your world. Whether you are actually a mother or not, you were born with that special “something” that makes you indispensable to those around you. It is a tough yet tender combination. I talk just a bit about that in my book “Journey Within My Heart.” The fact is, belles are created with a resilience that defies human logic. They face the day with a smile on their face, handling monumental tasks with the ease of a professional. They lead their “troop” and take care of their clan with confidence and authority and embrace those under their care with a love only God Himself can equal. They embody what it means to have courage - not an absence of fear, but a relentless determination to never give up. Women are their world’s “constant” in the middle of ever changing circumstances. It is their responsibility to keep themselves and their loved ones balanced in adverse situations. No wonder somebody once stated “If Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy!”
 

           So my sweet belles, I hope you will go take a good long look in the mirror at that beauty of a woman staring back at you. You are fabulous dahhlin’! And for all the young belles out there; I hope you realize what a resource you have in that beautiful belle you call mama, or granny, aunt, “Ms. Neighbor” or teacher. Oh they may not have a clue what a “chat room” is, but if you take a moment to sit face to face and chat with them, you will come away with more wisdom and insight to face anything that comes your way. They may not have a “timeline” where they can “post on a wall,” but they have written more in your life and the lives of others than all your Facebook friends put together. You see my belles, times and methods may change, but life is pretty much the same as it’s always been. Every belle has felt ugly, shy, insecure, lonely, and afraid. Every girl has tried to discover the mysteries in the minds of men and the ways to a man’s heart. There isn’t a belle who hasn’t been heartbroken by a breakup, devastated by a friend’s betrayal, confused by things beyond their control and misunderstood by their folks. It’s kinda funny how the older you get, the more you realize just how little you know and how comforting it is to have those “Ma Belles” in your life. My own mama is now 75 and my Maw Maw is 92 and I am grateful for every day I can pick up my phone and call them when I need someone to listen and understand. And I try my best to be as patient as possible with Mama when I send her a text message or a picture on her cell phone and she is clueless as to how to retrieve it. You gotta laugh when she picks up her “house phone” to ask how to use her cell phone! But I wouldn’t trade those moments for anything…

Bright Belles

           Last week my sweet Daddy was in the hospital as I mentioned in my previous post.  One evening my son Josh and I were heading back to the hospital for a visit.  Josh was chauffeuring his mama as he usually does when we do something together.  Not quite “driving Miss Daisy” though, as I don’t sit in the back seat!  We were in the more “historical” part of town which is an area that Josh doesn’t normally transverse too often.  I was trying to explain to him how the streets run through our city.  Every one of the main streets are pretty much parallel to each other and if you follow side streets from one place to the next, you can complete a full circle by following them from block to block until you get back to the original main thoroughfare you started on.  As I shared my expertise into the secret mind of our traffic engineers with my son, I thought about a trip I had taken with Daddy many years ago. 

            Mama was our church’s choir director.  Our little southern hodgepodge choir had been asked to sing at a convention in New Orleans.  Mama being the devoted leader she is, decided that she wanted to ride the bus with the choir members rather than ride in the car with Daddy.  That in itself was a shocker as she is about the most nervous passenger I know!  She has worn out the floorboard of many a car, slamming on brakes on the passenger’s side.  Well anyway, I had ridden the bus on the way over, but had had my fill of sweaty seats, loud conversations, and a bumpy ride that would jar your permanent teeth loose!  So I opted to ride back with Daddy and my cousin Cathy.  It would be fine since we could navigate for him.  Daddy was following the bus through New Orleans but somehow we lost them in traffic.  No problem – we could follow the map and highway signs to get through.  That was all mighty fine in theory, but Daddy had forgotten he was in the car with two southern “Rich family” cousins who had inherited the gift of gab.  After the third time around the Super Dome, Daddy knew we were in trouble!  Finally, he got a word in edgewise and we were able to navigate out of there.     

            Now I consider both myself and my cousin fairly educated and capable southern belles.  We both had a similar upbringing, so for us to allow my poor daddy to play a brutal game of “ring around the rosies” with the Super Dome was shameful!  It wasn’t that we weren’t smart enough to help navigate; it’s just that we weren’t paying attention.  We should’ve been his “beacon” in the dark guiding us home, but instead we were more lost than ever.    To be going round and round in circles was inexcusable!  Belles, this can be just as true when it comes to matters in your life.  Lord knows I’ve found myself not only going round and round but coming “full circle” in ways that I never expected and looking back, could’ve avoided.   Let’s look at our trip to New Orleans for a “road map” so to speak.  We were spitting out directions and “saying” we knew the way, we knew how to read the map and we could help navigate.  The problem is, we got so caught up in girl chatter, that we didn’t actually read the map or the highway signs.  We left it to Daddy – a man who had never traveled this road before and was trying his dead level best to concentrate in the middle of all the noise.  No wonder we got lost! 

            You see, “words” seem like a belle’s best friend, but they can often be her worst enemy.  I don’t know about the rest of the world, but down South there are some smooth talking rascals.  Remember “Gone With The Wind?”  My oh my that Rhett Butler could charm the socks of a gal couldn’t he?  And he did time and time again.  I was re-reading some of the script today where during the war Scarlett talked Rhett into taking her back to her home in Tara.  Midway there, Rhett simply decides to abandon her on the trip and leaves to enlist in the war.  She has to make her way back home with her clan and without his help.  I suppose by now you are wondering where in the world I am heading with this dialogue.  Well my belles, it is simply this.  When your beau loves you, you will know it.  Not because of what he says so much, but what he does.  Y’all know I am not one to reveal all my secrets, but just between us belles, I have been such a sap in the past when a man’s words dripped like honey off his lips.  Maybe it is because my “love language” is just that – language or words.  But dahhlins’ there is a lot to be said about “unspoken words” too.  Y’all know that song that says “you say it best when you say nothing at all” don’t you?  That is the truth sometimes.  If your honey goes the extra mile to make your life better, or does something random just to make you happy, chances are he’s a keeper.  Oh we all know this don’t we belles?  But then the words come and we go weak in the knees again.  Words really are powerful and persuasive.  I’ve heard a phrase that has been used a good bit when it comes to the behavior of parents.  It says “I can’t hear what you are saying because your actions are too loud.”  Well my belles, that is true when it comes to the men folk, to your girlfriends, to your boss, your neighbor or most anyone.  My best belle Laura made a comment the other day.  She said “why is it that we girls don’t believe that ‘love’ is a verb – an action word?”   Why the good book itself teaches that.  For the record, this is good advice for all you beaus out there too! 

            Another thing about words is this.  If you talk more than you listen, then you are less likely to observe the actions behind words.  Hush your mouths every once in a while and you’d be surprised what you can learn!  That little bitty piece of advice was just a bonus on our topic today.  So my bright belles, believe in your own intuition and what that whisper inside is telling you.  Also, don't let smooth talking words, flip the switch off on your brain.  common sense and intuition go a long way ladies!  You have a light that will shine on situations and lead the way.  Don’t just listen with your ears, but your heart and open your eyes as that light shines in your situations.  If you will, you’ll never be stuck on a round trip to no where, but will find your way home!

Love y’all,

Starla